Free Hat

"Free Hat" is episode 88 of the animated series South Park. It originally aired on July 10, 2002. The episode ridicules Lucasfilm's digital altering of George Lucas' original Star Wars trilogy and Steven Spielberg's E.T.. The episode also shows huge criticism towards remake movies.

Plot

Kyle, Stan, Cartman and Tweek, go to see a "re-re-re-release" of The Empire Strikes Back. Before the movie, a trailer for the 20th Anniversary release to E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial is shown, which points out the various edits made to the movie, as well as a fictional "re-re-release" of Saving Private Ryan with similar changes, including changing the word "Nazi" to "persons with political differences" and changing all the guns to walkie-talkies. Finally, the movie they came to see appears, but not before a banner is displayed on the screen (and also read by an announcer) to note the word "Wookiee" has been changed to "hair challenged animal" and that the entire cast has been digitally replaced by Ewoks. The four complain about how directors edit their movies to make them more family-friendly or politically correct and decide to form an organization to protect classic movies from changes. Cartman writes "Free Hat" on the advertising poster to persuade more people to come, and as a result hundreds show. However, the crowd mistakenly thinks the rally is to free Hat McCullough, a fictional imprisoned baby killer.

The crowd focuses on persuading the governor to free Hat, while the boys appear on Nightline to explain their group's motives. Steven Spielberg and George Lucas appear on the show, and when the boys mention changing Raiders of the Lost Ark, the two directors quickly decide this is a great idea. Determined to stop them, the boys sneak into Lucas' house and steal the master print for the film, but are caught by Lucas. After pleading with him, the boys try playing a "cool island song" to try to "melt his icy heart," but they end up arguing about what kind of heart he has and what type of island song they should be playing. Lucas calls the police, and the boys attempt to convince him to turn away Spielberg. As their attempts begin to sway him, Spielberg arrives flanked by guards brandishing walkie-talkies (which computer generatedly replaced all weapons in the final chase scene of E.T.), and Lucas relents and gives Spielberg the film. The boys are taken prisoner to be guests at the film's premier, but Tweek escapes.

Following this a fictional commercial plays promoting the upcoming digitally enhanced re-release of the pilot episode of the show "Cartman Gets An Anal Probe", with Trey Parker and Matt Stone explaining they now have the budget to use the special effects they originally could not, such as characters and creatures from Star Wars in the bus stop scenes. The announcer's final closing teaser line is that you should "Get this special edition quick because another version will likely be coming out for 2003!"

Back at the club, Tweek alerts everybody else to the situation at hand, but they were all upset that the governor would not listen to them about pardoning Hat. Tweek then explains what he and his friends had to go through in their attempt to get the film, but the other members decide to adapt the island song strategy for their own cause, planning to use a "fresh island song" to "cool the governor's hot temper". Meanwhile, Spielberg and Lucas, now joined by Francis Ford Coppola, start making their way to the premiere in a convoy with the film's print enclosed in an ark being carried. Tweek ambushes the convoy wielding a bazooka and threatens to blow it up unless the boys are released. The negotiation ends when Spielberg invites Tweek to "blow it back to God", but reminds him all his life has been in pursuit of seeing a great film, and thanks to the new "effects beyond your wildest dreams" he wants to see it screened just as much as Spielberg does. Tweek pauses and is captured as he hesitates. At the premiere, Spielberg reveals his plan to destroy the original film afterwards, and the film begins. Knowing it will be horrible the boys look away while the audience watches. At first, they are awed by the film, but upon seeing the Hovitos who chase Indiana Jones were digitally changed to Ewoks, they realize the new version is awful. Finally, the film on the screen comes to life as a deadly supernatural entity and fires lightning bolts at all but the whole group watching, gruesomely killing half of the audience and Spielberg, Lucas and Coppola with it, the aforementioned three having had their faces crushed, melted and exploded respectively like those of René Belloq, Major Toht and Colonel Dietrich in Raiders. When there is finally silence, the kids find themselves untied and open their eyes. Upon seeing the bodies Cartman comments, "Man, that new version must have sucked balls."

Back in South Park, the boys think that they are going to be congratulated for stopping Spielberg and Lucas. However, the boys are congratulated for getting Hat released from prison. Despite the fact that Hat is obviously crazy and asks for a baby, the crowd cheers for him and presents him with one. As the baby tries desperately to escape Hat, the boys say that what they did might not matter now, but will matter later. When Tweek asks what if someone else tries to change the movie, Stan answers that it is "somewhere safe. Somewhere where...nobody will ever find it." The episode ends with a view of an old man placing the original prints inside a box, which he then places inside a warehouse named "Red Cross 9/11 Relief Funds", in a parody of the final scene in Raiders itself.

See also

• Han shot first
• The China Probrem, another episode with similar themes

References

External links